Home Bittersweet Home

Being back is awesome. I missed my family and friends dearly. I missed American food (the variety afforded, the fact that I can get sushi, or thai, or italian, or mexican all in one block of eachother.) I missed a secure, mostly trsutworthy government. I missed water that was safe to drink. I missed fitting in.

I miss the Kenyans... I miss the matatus, jumping on and off. I miss playing with those kids and talking to those social workers. I miss being away from the hustle and bustle of American life... I miss doing things every day, meeting amazing people... I should just go DO that more often here. I miss the passion of those who gather to worship, and the fierceness of their prayers.

God taught me so much about His character through the Kenyan culture, I learned a lot about myself, and I got a chance to see what He is doing in the slums of Mathare Valley. This summer has changed different perceptions I had, both of myself, of God's character, of Kenya and of poverty. Yet, it also confirmed many truths: God is HUGE. God is compassionate. God provides. Loving people changes lives. American's have more than they realize and forget it every day.

I don't know how this summer will change my life, but I'm excited to see the work God has done in me.

I love you all. Thank you for your prayers and your support. Thank you for reading this and encouraging me in many different ways.

God bless!

Winding Down

I said good bye to my kids in 4 Red. It was pretty rough... I cried, they cried, we hugged. It was so sad... but driving away from Joska, I realized that I would see them again, if not Sunday to preach there, then in the next few years, if not on this earth, then in Heaven. That was kind of cool, and reminded me how cool God is. I did end up preaching there, too. I taught on Colossians 3:12-16, how our faith calls us to live differently than the world, to love one another as Christ loves us. It was really cool to get the chance to. When I showed up in the chapel, there was a dance party going on, and most of them were MY kids! It was so cool to hug them and see them again, even after we had said our good byes. We left Joska pretty quick, and I told them no crying this time, and that I would be back one day. I hope and pray I can return to Kenya, especially Joska. I love those kids. I realized that I was making an impact when I got letters from all of 4 Red yesterday. They thanked me for spending time with them, for playing football and giving them sweets, and being their American friend. Many wrote verses, and even thanked me for teaching them about Jesus and telling them Bible stories. That was so amazing and touching. They will miss me, and I them.

As for other things, I've been on a few home visits this past week. I went back to Mathare North with Vitalis. (ps: shift isnt working, might give up on caps all together). Anyway, i went back and saw susan. she is the one who is hiv positive with the 4 kids and 4 grandkids, not to mention she is caring for her sister's daughter, because her sister passed. she has been a real inspiration to me. it is odd how a woman i have only met twice has become, in some ways, a mentor. she is just so happy to know jesus christ, and believes that no matter what, she can rejoice in him. it is so awesome.

this week we are doing a vacation bible school for the nursery, pre unit and class 1s at pangani center. it was fun today for sure, i was in charge of a group of 54 kids... it was a bit tiring, but the people leading the different stations - snacks, lesson, crafts, sports, songs - did wonderfully. it was cool to play with the kids today, more fun than i had thought. it is sort of sad that my last week is vbs, but it has actually been really cool to hang out and work with the other interns, since normally it is just grace and i in soc work.

i can't believe it is almost over... but i guess the same God who sent me here is sending me back. in that sense, i am actually really excited. before i came here, and even when i first got here, i wanted to get out of america. i wanted to get out of school. i wanted to do something tangible... and, rather than confirming international missions, this trip has shown me something i've always known to be true, but not "true for me"... and that is: your mission is wherever you are! it has been cool though, to see that well... yeah, i like it here... but i miss my community at mudd and scripps a ton. also, it is nice to be here, but i miss a lot more about america than i thought i ever would actually. and, of course, i miss family and friends. i am excited to be home for three weeks. i am excited for campus ministry. i am even excited about classics! crazy, huh?

so, i will enjoy my time here, and i will be sad to go... but i know that God has a plan for me, and each moment is truly a blessing, if i would just open up my darn eyes! :D

god bless each and every one of you for reading this thing! I will post something when i get back to fully explain MOHI's organization... but i dont think i can ever explain, or even sum up, what this summer has been for me. it has been remarkably eye-opening and life changing, but life goes on. See you all (hopefully) soon!

I love you!

Birthday in Kenya

My birthday was wonderful :) Thank you to everyone who sent their birthday wishes! It meant a lot and truly made my day! I got the cards too! I love you all and I miss you!

The past week seems to have flown by, now closing in on our last two. However, I know that each day holds something for me, so I will be living in the moment as best I can! I'll be going to Joska this week again to stay the night. I might also be preaching there on Sunday too. I have no clue what on yet, but God will give me the words I hope and pray (and you can pray too!).

As I work here longer, doing more and more, my thoughts run together and I can't seem to sort through everything well enough to write a coherent explanation of how I am doing, what I have been seeing, and what I have been thinking about. I am daily overwhelmed by all that I see, the poverty, the disease, and yet encouraged by Christ and the joy on the faces of His people here in Kenya. Each day I have a new struggle on being with a group of 17 people I do not know, yet each day I find something new to be grateful for in them, and some new conviction within myself. Each day I miss home and yet I do not want to leave Kenya. Each day I feel so alone, yet I know Christ will never forsake me, and that I have the greatest support system ever! Each day I experience a million things, yet I cannot find words to describe them. Each day my heart breaks a million times, yet the punctured hands of Christ puts it back together, making it stronger and greater and more compassionate than before.

One thing I can expand on is how grateful I am for MSCF/IV. I have realized that not all Christian communities look like that, loves like that. It challenges me to work harder, to serve more, when I get back. It makes me see how blessed I am, and how blessed I want everyone else part of IV to feel. So, thank you so much, each and every one of you, for your love and support, your encouragement and friendship. I love you guys :)

Well, I am off to town to buy things for William. Take care! Much love! God bless!

God is Good :)

Independence Day:

My Saturday started out well enough, went to work. It was very slow in the social work office… Saturdays tend to be. It was nice, though, to get some time to relax and rest. A kitten found its way into our office from outside. Raphael decided to give it the leftover avocado… that cat ate faster than anything I’ve ever seen. It was weird, though, watching a kitten eat. Something about its scrawniness hit me. I think the animals only escalate the poverty situation in Mathare. Seeing sickly cows, chickens eating trash, goats with deformations, starving cats, and practically dead dogs adds to the scenery of garbage, shanties, sewage and infested water, hungry children playing in the mud, most of them shoeless and with torn clothing… all of these things overwhelm the senses as you inhale the polluted air and smell the waste. Despite all of this, though, I have found more joy in one child here than in entire churches and communities back home. The gratefulness on their faces as they play within Pangani’s walls astounds me every day, or the children at Madoya running around, or at Joska playing football. Anyway, it seems funny that one cat makes me feel so deeply, but some of the sights and smells from Mathare are burned into my mind, and because I can be so introspective, my “deep” emotions are practically worn on my sleeve.

We left the office and went home to rest a bit before the barbeque. I slept for a good two hours before heading to the guys’ house. It was quite calm until the Kenyans showed up, then the party got going. I swear, watching Shadrack (from education), or Paul (BDS) jump on the trampoline was fantastic! By far, the best part was Julius though. He couldn’t do it, and I think he was actually afraid to try to be honest. Eric got the burgers going, and we had pasta salad, potato salad, brownies, chocolate chip cookies (a delicacy here as chocolate chips are non-existent!) and ice cream! Doug bought a fire work (with nine-teen parts) which we launched at Roselin school. It was awesome to share a bit of our culture with the Kenyans. I really enjoyed it, though I missed home more than I thought I would.

Sunday:

AWESOME. We had a really good debrief. For the first time, I felt like the ridiculous length was meaningful! It may have been 2.5-3 hours, but our team really made headway in desiring to be unified, in bringing up issues, and in coming together to share in our experiences a bit more deeply than before. I am amazed that even here, I catch myself feeling alone at times (or perhaps, especially here). But, after last night, God gave me a renewed sense of joy with my community. I felt at peace around them all for the first time, and I can tell that things will only get better these next few weeks. Looking around the room, I had the sense of “these really are my brothers and sisters in Christ, why haven’t I been able to see it?” So that was cool. Also, in the midst of my loneliness, I felt God said in that moment “Brianna, why do you think I can be the God of Mathare, loving and caring for them, and not your God as well? I am not simply everyone else’s God, but yours.” It was a good reminder of God’s love for me, despite how small, insignificant, and sinful I may be, He loves and cares for me, for all of us. It was truly amazing.

Monday, July 6^th

Today is another calm day in the office doing data entry, but a very good one at that. As I am still sick, I am enjoying the chance to sit and rest inside. This morning, as I listened to worship music on our drive in the Matatu, “Sister” by Storyside B came on, and the line “Close your eyes, realize, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be, can’t you see” stuck in my head. It took on a new meaning here. Now, it is able to confirm, in a very simple way, that I am supposed to be here. Sitting in the middle of the Matatu, with most of my team surrounding me, I realized just how right it is that I am here. God called me to Kenya to see Him in the faces of these people, and I do. He called me here to grow me cross-culturally, and I am. He called me out of my comfort zone, which He did, but also to show me that He is my comforter, and I know that He is. He brought me to a relational, unhurried culture to grow in those spiritual disciplines, and I love them! He is growing me and changing me. He is growing my spiritual gifts in so many awesome ways, some I have seen, some I will not see until I am back in the States. Bottom line, God is faithful! The last song that played on my ipod was “All for you” by Phil Wickham. I was reminded that all that I do, even here, is for Christ. I am not here to work or to make friends… I am here to grow closer to my Savior, and in doing so, those other things will take care of themselves, for when I get closer to Christ, I can do nothing but serve, learn, and love.

Will write more soon!!! God bless!

My Night at Joska

Wow. (Favorite Kenyan phrase :) ... but seriously, WOW).

Joska is amazing! When I knew I would be going, the day seemed to take forever, although I thoroughly enjoyed my conversations with Kara as we sorted letter materials for the children. (Soon, they will be writing their sponsors update letters! Exciting, huh?!) Still, I just wanted to GET there. Erich, Eric, Kara and I went to Joska with Wallace.

When we arrived, my heart lept. I would get to see 4 Red, and William for the first time since I sponsored him! We pulled in, and where we park is just behind 4 Red's class. They all saw me and began to shout "Brianna! Brianna!" It was wonderful to see their smiling faces. I calmly had to tell them to get back to their school work, that I would have all night to spend time with them because I was staying the night! We met Rebecca, the lovely social worker who lives at Joska. She showed us to our rooms, after taking chai of course! Wallace went to go look at the progress of the new dorm they are making at Joska (a cement one with a solid foundation, rather than the wood and metal short-term ones they have now). Kenyan hospitality continues to astound me. Kara and I went into our room to see two beds, already made, and water bottles, tooth brushes, and special face soap sitting on the chairs. It was wonderful. I then went to see 4 Red class. When I explained, yet again, that I would be staying the night, they were ecstatic... then again, the more it sunk in, so was I! I then walked around the grounds, taking pictures as all the kids played football, volleyball, and other things, after school got out. It was wonderful to run and play with them and take pictures. I finally found William, and the kids said he wanted to talk to me. So, the two of us walked around the grounds. He said that he got my letter, that it had made him so happy. Seeing the thankfulness on his face was enough for me. I knew that, hearing him talk about it, God put us together for a reason. As we talked, he told me what he did on his midterm break, and asked me other questions about my weekend. Soon it was time for chapel, and the two of us sat together but one of the teachers made me move to sit at the front.

During chapel, when we were praying aloud (as is the Kenyan way), I prayed that God would keep hold of all of these children, and that if even one went astry, He would pursue them. God quickly reminded me "these are my sheep, Brianna. Be their shepherd" and I was moved with an overwhelming sense of compassion for these kids, my eyes began to water. It sounds like such a simple thing, but hearing the low rumble, like far off thunder, or buzzing bees, or running water all combined, which is caused by the prayers of five hundred children out loud... you would cry and smile too. It was amazing. I also wanted to get up and talk to them, to them how I felt... little did I know that I'd get my chance. Wallace had us all get up to talk to the kids. It was funny, because he asked if they knew our names, and the first thing many said was "BRIANNA!" Once again, the love of children just blows me away. Anyway, we each talked about ourselves and what we want to do. I told them that I want to do some form of youth ministry, not sure what that entails yet (10 year olds? college age? social work? missionary? counsellor? who knows!). And I explained that things may change (circumstances, dreams) but that God is constant, and that Jesus Christ loves them so much. It was cool to share that love out loud, to tell them that He is there for them no matter what they may be going through. Later, Wallace gave them a chance to ask us questions. They asked very deep ones: why did your dreams change? what was the hardest thing you went through during your school years? and what do you do when you were about to give up on life? I answered the latter.

I was, yet again, able to share about Christ's love. Little did I know that was all I had to offer when I stood up in front of those kids. I could merely say that whenever I wanted to stop, or I felt like no one loved me, I had a Christian community who could send those lies far from me. I had a community to point out, and redirect me to, the love of Jesus. I was the son who thought "oh, maybe I should go back, do what is right... obey God's rules and be His servant..." and He ran out to meet me with more love than I will ever comprehend. So, I got to tell these kids that with that Love, and His power, they can do anything and everything they want to. They can pursue their dreams, knowing that no matter what happens, they have a Father who loves them unconditionally.

After that, we took dinner. After dinner, we hung out some more, Kara and I watched the dance team practice a native dance. They compete this Tuesday. Then, everyone went to bed. William was trying to stay up longer with me, but I told him to rest up for his studies, he'd need it! Kara and I went back and journalled, then we met up with the guys to look at stars... it was cloudy. But, they told scary stories. At one point, we were in the chapel, with the doors creeking in the wind, the sky dark grey, the moon peeking through the clouds... and the lights went out during the scariest part of Erich's story! We all ran out of the chapel, then laughed a bit and went back to our rooms. (good thing I had a flash light!). Kara and I stayed up late talking, and we both realized how funny it is that God put the two of us together - her being formerly home schooled, more conservative, at a Christian college, and me... the most liberal one here I think, school in the city, Women's Liberal Arts College... :D God is funny. We may disagree on certain things, but I find being around someone completely different oddly refreshing. It is as though I must rethink why I think what I do. I haven't really changed my mind any on the issues discussed, but I do find I can talk to someone with very different views without being frustrated (shout out to Alex, haha).

I woke up at 7 to the noise of cows, roosters, and the hustle and bustle of getting breakfast together, and staff getting ready for work. The students wake up at 5 am to be in class by 6... crazy, right?! We took breakfast, I dropped by my class on their break, then we went back to the office. I had a chance to talk to Rebecca more about William. She said he was so happy to receive my letter, which made me happy too. She told me that he has only been there since January of this year. He is a very hard working student. She also said that if he has trouble with something, an issue with peers or what have you, he goes to her very boldly. She said he does this for his fellows as well, if they are having a hard time. Hearing that made me admire him more. As probably the oldest one in that class, and as the older brother to a 12 year old sister, I could understand how he feels. He has a sense of responsibility about him, the way he carries himself. He is quiet and very respectful, but out going when it comes time to play. Still, I notice he is rather introspective (we have that in common).

The rest of the day went by quickly. Some filing, then lunch, then back in my class. I am working on remembering all of their names (28 in all I think). I gave out lollipops and said good - bye.

Joska is a wonderful place. Sometimes, I forget that kids can still be mean to eachother. One boy, Nelson, has been running away from homes on his breaks because there is no food. He lives in the streets and begs. At school, kids bully him and take things from him at times... please keep him on your heart. He is in my class. Pray that I would be able to talk to him and comfort him, that I could talk to William about looking out for Nelson more (if that is a safe thing to do) and that in the end, things would just turn around for Nelson. That God would provide for his mother, and that people's hearts towards him would change. He is a very nice, funny kid who has a special place in my heart from the beginning.

Today I stayed home to rest, as I am sick. I went to lunch at Java hut then bought souvenires at the Maasai market. Tomorrow is Soc work and 4th of July party :D and Sunday is church and dinner at people's houses.

Will write more soon! God bless!

July Begins... "It's Official!" and "Dinner!" featured

6-24-09

It's Official!

I am now the sponsor of William Wambui in 4 Red at Joska :D I wrote him a letter so that he would receive his first ever sponsor letter Monday, when all of the students get their letters! I am so stoked! I can't wait to see him soon!

6-28-09

Dinner!

We ate dinner at Raphael's home Sunday night! I was delicious (sweet, as the Kenyans say). Kara, Stephen, Eric, Erich, Grace and I went over a little after three o'clock. We showed up at his flat to find Isaac and Rebecca also there, as well as Isaac's wife Christine, and Raphael's friend Sarah. I was so happy that Becky and Isaac were there too, a mini-social work party! We got there early so that we could help prepare the food with Rebecca (she definitely did all the cooking, Raphael helped a bit, hah). We ate fried chicken, mashed potatoes (woah, sounds American), pea stew, pine apple with carrots, chipotis, and fruit salad with mangoes, bananas and avocados. Helping prepare the food was almost as fun as eating it! I peeled potatoes, onions and fruits, as well as grated carrots and assisted, very momentarily, with making chipotis. Turns out, Becky is the only one with the hands to make chipotis. You poor oil onto a pan, then lay the dough on it, and spin. The spinning part starts to burn because Kenyans simply use their hands, no utensils! Peeling and cutting was also interesting as Kenyans dont use cutting boards, they just use their hands and a knife (and hopefully the two don't cross each-other's path...). I know that the fruit salad sounds interesting with avos, but it was my favorite thing, which is definitely saying something! It was so sweet! The avos actually gave the mango and banana a very interesting, delicious flavor. We took home left over salad to make smoothies with at home :) Going to Raphael's was awesome, I loved it, for the food, the company, and eating with my hands.

Speaking of smoothies... one little tid-bit about Kenyan culture: they drink HOT stuff ALL THE TIME. They practically refuse to drink anything cold. If you give them room-temp, or slightly cooler water (not iced, mind you) they act as though their tonsils will come out... some even say they will! They drink hot chai, hot coffee, hot cocoa, even hot water! They don't even acknowledge the existence of iced tea or frozen smoothies (smoothies, to them, means blended juice... as in, fresh juice made with a blender... hah).

6-29-09

Mathare North

Went to Mathare North with Vitalis today. We had a wonderful time. It was the first time that I actually felt like a real social worker. We went into a woman's home, named Susan, who lives with her 4 children and 4 grand-children. She knew enough English that I could fill out the papers and ask her the questions. She was such an amazing woman! I asked Vitalis if she was born-again (before I realized she knew English) and she nodded so much, smiley broadly, before explaining to me her love of Jesus Christ. I felt so blessed to be in that home to talk to her. One granddaughter, Cecilia, was there. I say beside her the entire time, holding my arm around her. She is 4 years old, with hearing and vision problems that are undiagnosed. Susan is HIV positive. It was really awesome to pray with her and to encourage her. After that visit, Vitalis said "You are so good" and to be honest, I felt really good about the visit... but not because I said anything particularly good or clever... but rather because God gave me the words to say, and Susan spoke English well enough for me to communicate with her, one on one. Also, I prayed for healing of Cecilia's eyes. Please pray for her, Susan, and all of the children there. I know they will be a light in Mathare if they have half the faith Susan does!

6-30-09

Kiamaiko Center

I went with Elser to Kiamaiko today. This school is less than 2 months old, with 180 students. We spent all morning trying to track down around 10 students who were recruited, but have never shown up. We found two girls from the area who showed us around and helped us find out where the children lived/ why they weren't at school yet. We must have gone into twenty or some odd homes. I know the area pretty well :) Kiamaiko is cleaner, with more irrigation, than Village 1. It also has a large Muslim/arab population for a slum, with many mosques, and a lot of goats. Apparently, herding is the main source of income for the area. Goats and sheep. Baaah! Anywho... it was cool to see a different center two days in a row. I really enjoyed Kiamaiko, and a Muslim woman asked me to pray for her, that God would provide. I think I said Jesus about 5 times in that prayer, and didn't know until afterwards that she was Muslim... but hey, she asked me to :)

I felt, walking from Kiamaiko to Madoya to get on a Matatu, like I wanted to just be a local. I want to walk around Mathare with everyone else, going in and out of shops, getting my hair done, buying a chipoti on the side of the road, hopping in and out of Matatus, visiting friends in their homes... as though I lived here. Yet, because of the color of my skin, I will never be looked at as anything but a rich, powerful mzungu... even if I am a broke college student with no connections to a lot of money, or power, or influence... I want to belong and I can't. Even if I lived here for years and years, I am different. They see me as different. Those I meet on the street get excited when I know very basic Kiswahili... even if all I can say is "habari ya kazi?" Anyway, it passes with time... for now, I can pretend like I'm becoming a knowledgeable visitor rather than simply a tourist. I can pretend like when I come back, I'll be fluent in Kiswahili. I can pretend that, with time, my whiteness won't be so apparent, or so strong a division. I can, to some degree, adapt and belong. I don't think kids will ever stop calling me "mzungu" and grabbing my hand to see if I feel different...

7-1-09

Worked at Pangani doing paperwork... STAYING THE NIGHT AT JOSKA!!!

Will DEFINITELY write more soon :D God bless!

Quick update

We went to Joska for church on Sunday. It was really amazing! I loved it so much. The worship service was wonderful, it was entirely a student choir. Baracka was up there dancing and clapping with his class mates, which was especially cool to see. I kept looking back to Evans in the crowd, until finally I felt God telling me to call him up to sit with me or else I wasn't going to focus. I felt ashamed at first, but then I felt as though God was comforting me "I want you two to have your time together, worshiping me together." I felt much better as I waved him over. He seemed oddly upset or unhappy. I tried to ask how he was, but like any Kenyan child he responded "fine." I wrote to him on a piece of paper "I'm sorry I didn't come yesterday" (Isaac, Joska SW had said we would go). He seemed to lighten up after that. I felt better, and continued to worship our amazing LORD.

After, Andy Ross (a visitor from the States teaching the SW prayer healing) gave the message. Then a skit and more singing. Overall, it was very good and fun. After that, I went to my 4 Red class. I have adopted (more or less) all 28 students. I plan to keep up with them when I leave, to send them gifts, and... sponsor one of them. His name is William. At Joska, I ate lunch with the other Americans, then went to my 4 Red class. The students, knowing I was there, had set out food for me! They had rationed their plates that I might eat with them. When I tried to explain I already ate, they wouldn't have it. They handed it to me, gave me a chair to sit in and a spoon, and went back to their own lunches. After looking around the room, noticing 99% of the class was eating with their hands, I set down my spoon and joined them. It was so much fun and a wonderful experience. After that, they saw me more as one of their own, and less as the white visitor they might have the two times before.

I asked the teacher if I could take them, and we all went out to play football until the American missions team needed them to teach them how to brush their teeth. Playing ball was good, I got to talk to the girls in 4 Red more. They are so funny! They were already asking me when I would be back (after this summer, meaning, next time I return to Kenya!) They didn't realize I would be here for so much longer, so when I told them I had 6 weeks or so, they were so happy. They continued to ask me to bring pictures of myself for them. Once they said that, a boy named William said I should give him one too, so I need to get some developed for everyone.

William and I got to talk some too. We were on the same team, so after we'd double team some one, or the ball was on the other side of the field, he came over and talked to me. He told me I was his first American friend, sort of like an American sister. I really enjoyed talking to him. After my class went to get flouride put on (it is universal that kids hate the stuff!), we went into the classroom and talked more. Evans, Jon, Francis, Margaret, Mary, and William asked me lots of questions about myself, and about America.

When we did have to go, they all asked when they could see me next. I told them I would be in Pangani for their midterm break (which starts tomorrow!!!) so they could come see me in the office. They all said they would, although William can't cuz he lives near Joska. He walked me out to the Matatu. I got to talk to him a bit more, and shook his hand. He looked so sad to say good bye. It was breaking my heart, and thinking about when I have to leave for real was too much.

William had asked me to be his sponsor during out football game. I didn't feel awkward when he said it though, it seemed fine. The other night, when I was praying about it, he came to mind again, followed by the verse in James (1:27 I think) about true faith being visiting orphans and widows in trouble.

William is an orphan who lives with a guardian near Joska. He is fifteen (yes, in class/grade 4), and is adorable. I love him. So, I am talking to Isaac and Mary about sponsoring him :)!!!!

Today we are finishing the emotional prayer healing, I can talk about that later/ another time. I can say that I have an overwhelming sense to see my sister Miranda afterwards. I really miss her now!!! And my mom, Mic, and Ryan. But, I will definitely enjoy what I am doing here!!

Will write more soon!
God bless!!!

Prayer

Kenyans can PRAY! oh wow! Today, all of the employees from all of the different MOHI centers in Methare Valley got together for prayer and worship. It was awesome! The service was over three hours, but it didn't feel that long at all (well, except that I had to go to the bathroom, otherwise, it definitely wouldn't have felt very long!)

It was really cool praising with all of them. Which reminds me, I don't think I ever wrote about the first church service here, at Hope Center (at Pangani school). It was awesome! That was the first time that it hit me... I'm in Kenya! We were singing a song in English, then they sang it in Kiswahili. I knew what they were saying and when, but it was in a different language. Then it really struck me "I'm on the other side of the world... praising God... with a totally different people... in a different language... and yet, we are together." It was awesome and eye opening. It makes me want to worship in every language in every country around the world. The connectedness one feels to the people and to God when praising (and to home even), is crazy!

Other news: Soc work is going great! I got to go back to Joska with Isaac finally! I played football with 4 Red and 4 Blue. I have decided to adopt all of them :D (so between 40-60 kids)... I can handle that many, right? Anyway, they were the same boys I had with me the other Saturday when I met Baracka. He joined us too. I was soooo happy to see him again! Tomorrow, we are also going back to Joska. I think I am the most excited about that. I could live there! Anyway, playing with them again was a blast! I found out that Baracka and James are both sponsored. I plan on talking to James more though, hopefully I can see him this week. Rapheal in SW gave me some good questions to ask James to try and build trust (as well as a recommendation to bring candies!) Anywho, there is a boy, Evans, who has been clinging to me a bit at Joska. I think he's twelve or so. I was a little sad today that we couldn't go out there (prayer instead), because Isaaz at said we were returning. Fortunately, I will be out there for church tomorrow to see them, so Evans won't be disappointed. I do catch the students asking "will you be back" a lot at Joska. I think, because they are sort of the golden children (the older ones, away from the slums, some about to go onto high school... truly amazing stories every one) the short-term mission trips (week long ones) always drop by there to check it out... so, these kids see tons of people who "care" about them for a day, but then disappear. I know short term mission trips are valuable, and I know that I personally remember children from Mexico (Poncho in Mexicali, and Michelle from the orphanage)... but still, these kids deserve more. It hurts me a bit to think I only have 6 more weeks to be with them, yet I know that can be a lot of time to a child. Anyway, sorry this is sort of scatter brained... I happen to be talking to my mom at the same time :)

Anyway, my point is that I have a long(er) time then the week missionaries, but shorter time compared to, say, a full time missionary. So, I'm torn on what to think, how involved to get, what I can promise... can I say I'll be back? I don't know that yet... although, I have already brainstormed how to save up 2000 for the flight, and the cost of staying here if I lived with Doug and Jenifer (haha, shhh, dont tell them!)

Finally, some funny stories about the people I'm working with: last night, Doug and Jenifer took us out to Ethiopian food, where we ate with our hands... it was sooo funny to watch some of my fellow interns eat the food!! Also, Julius, our driver, had never had it before. When I talked to him today, he said it was amazing, but so many spices! He prefers Kenyan, but says he is excited to try pizza. Yesterday in soc work, Isaac named me the Head of the Dept. while Josephine (the real head) was out. Today, he made me pinky promise that I wouldn't go back to the US, but work full time here. I told him he would need to tell my mom... he said that wouldnt be a problem. Hah. Raphael has taken it upon himself to teach me Kiswahili. He's going to quiz me by asking me each morning how the weather is, how I am doing, and then asking me where I am going, if I am hungry, if I would take tea, etc. I'm pretty excited though.

Overall, I am very settled in, with morning routines and everything, as well as a snacking ritual when we get back from the centers. It really does feel like home. Isaac didn't have too hard of a time tricking me into agreeing to stay. I told him I can return in two years to be the real head of dept. if he wants, but we'll see about that ;)

God bless. Take care! Will write more soon!

James

Yesterday, I met a boy named James. I think I might be supporting him, right now I am praying about the decision and committing him to God in prayer, if nothing else.

He is severely abused by his mother, both physically beaten and emotionally scarred. You can tell because when he talks, it is always in a whisper, as though he is worried how what he says will be taken. Even if Kioko (the social worker at Kosovo) or I talk to him... then there is his short, shallow breaths, as though he is ready to take flight the very next moment. Finally, there is his glazed over eyes as he stares off into the distance, never making eye contact, as though he is in another world... and he deserves one. He deserves so much more than what he has. His mom sells beer here, which is illegal (it is home brewed with no license, in the slums, and is sometimes so intoxicating it can be lethal). She doesn't own her shop or a home, so she rents the shop and she sleeps there at night. He, and his siblings (2 brothers and one sister) go to another home to sleep. He has no space to call his own. He hasn't done his homework in about a month. Some of this is his own fault, but part of me has a hard time understanding how he can be to blame for anything. He spends his afternoons home from school fetching water for his mother. When he finishes, it is often time for bed, or, if he can, he decides to play with friends instead of do homework. He is afraid of adults, even teachers, and Kioko. My prayer is that for once, being an outsider can help. Maybe not being from here, not Kenyan, can actually help me connect. Or, if nothing else, I have 6 more weeks here to love on this boy, James, to get him to see that people aren't all like his mother. Some people are good. Some people love him the way he deserves to be loved, the way Christ loves him. People like Kioko and his teachers at Kosovo (the center in village 2 of Methare valley) are here to love on him, to help him, to show him Christ in real and tangible ways.

Please pray for James. Pray that he would know Christ, that he would be safe tonight, that he would do well on his exams all this week (midterms for all the centers of MOHI). Pray also for me, that God would give me discernment in whether or not to sponser James, in how to love him such that he understands, and how to love his mother as well (cuz I am having a hard time doing so, even thinking about her makes me sick and angry.)

Will write more later.
God bless

I Have Seen Where God's Heart Beats

Wow. Kenya... wow. I won't be able to write down even a tenth of what I have experienced. Maybe my experiences are too many, and maybe I am a poor writer. Either way, I will do my best.

Our first day here was fine. We got to see the house we were staying in and the village area. We met Jenifer and Doug (missionaries, 5 months here thus far, from Chino, CA. They have 3 kids) as well as Wallace and Mary (they are the two in charge of Missions of Hope International, the group we are here working with. Mary started it around 10 years ago.) Our houses are great. I remember thinking "huh, doesn't 'seem' like I'm in Kenya."... whatever that means. The traffic was interesting getting to the homes of course, driving on the left side of the road, no traffic lights or signs what so ever, and these crazy taxi/bus like vehicles called Matatus that drive as though it is the apocolypse. It is like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride meets Indiana Jones Ride meets Dr. Suess... if that means anything to you.

The next day we got a tour of Methari Valley, the slum we are working in. Less than 2 sqaure miles serves as a home to nearly a million people, all living in tiny shacks. Now, I say shack, and you might picture a wooden structure off in the distance, in a green wheat field or something. What I am describing as shacks or shantis are tiny metal boxes. They are proper height, but the floors are tiny and often dirt. One woman, Grace, who was over 50, lived in one that was maybe 4 feet by 6 feet... with 10-15 other people on any given night. The metal used would maybe be used for a shed back in the states- ridged silvery stuff, often rusted, nailed together on a weak wood frame. These shantis are all squashed together. The "main road" is maybe 6 to 8 feet wide at best, often lined with street venders (people sitting on the ground with pots of food, or a tiny grill, or bags of peanuts, or candy bags), chickens, goats, perhaps a cow, dogs, cats, children playing, old men drinking or talking, women washing clothes or catching up on the daily news. Everything stopping, of course, to look at the mzungu walking past (white person/ European) escorted by a social worker with MOHI (Missions of Hope). Down the main road are smalley "alleys" which are smaller than three feet, of which half is unmaneuverable due to sewage, mudd, or a stream of murky grey water.

Despite the poor quality housing, poor sanitation, plentiful trash and dirty animals... the people are awesome! Those who work at MOHI are great. There are 8 centers throughout the Valley, with a total of 3000 kids in them (school). "Center" brings to mind perhaps a nice YMCA facility... what I mean is a cement multiple story building with pretty open class rooms. Yet, the fact that 3000 children from the slums are in school, as high as grade 8, is impressive. I was talking to Wallace today, and he said no one knows of a Methari child in high school (yet). So, MOHI is doing amazing things already! They really are transforming the Valley. The main thing is the difference between development and relief. Relief is after an emergency, is short term, and is freely given... Development comes in to fix a long, ongoing issue by working directly with the people, finding out their biggest needs (as they see it), and empowering them to do something. Some might say it sounds hard, complicated, and time consuming. I would say... it is. However, if we want to see any changes, we want to see permanent ones. Development is the key to that :)

Man, I feel like I can't organize my thoughts.

The first few days here were tough. I was feeling angry with everyone because of the situation in Methari, then upset and depressed, then guilty. Doug said something amazing though, "God isn't into the guilt thing" and that really changed my perspective on things. So, since then, I've been seeing God's joy in the people I meet, seeing His heart for them. I can see Him at work, through MOHI and all the missionaries here (whether they are from abroad, from up country, or from Nairobi itself). This place is truly amazing. I don't ever want to leave.

As for the people in more detail... I can't say enough about them all, but I can talk a bit more about the group I will be working with mostly. Doug and Jenifer have been awesome, like home away from home in some ways. Now by bringing America here, but by being relatable. Issues that come up are easy to talk to with them. Wallace and Mary have been fantastically awesome too! They are so welcoming, and they encourage all of us so much. What they have started here is truly a work of God, and letting us partner with them is such a blessing. I'll be spending the rest of my summer in the social work department. In the mornings, we will be making home visits. In the afternoon (after lunch), we will be doing paper work about the home visits. Mostly, we want to keep up on the kid's home lives. Just being in school isn't the answer. We want to make sure the kids are taken care of, that complicated situations are being worked out, that the children are getting the encouragement they need at home (if not, then from us). I am so stoked to be in this department. The people are amazing. Lynn, Charity, Alice, Mary, and Samuel are so friendly. There is also Isaac, the social worker at Joska.

This brings me to Joska. It is so great! It is outside of the slums, and is actually a boarding school, currently housing 500 students. Now, I say boarding school, and many thing dorms. I mean long buildings of wood framing with metal outsides, for both the classrooms and the dorms. Still, you can tell these students are truly blessed to be there. One in particular, Baracka, has made his way to the deepest places of my heart. I only met him today when we were with a short term mission trip (one week) who were doing a sports camp at Joska. I sat next to him during the praise service to kick off the day. I said "una itwa nani?" thinking I could ask his name in my very poor Kiswahili. He smiled, but didn't answer. After asking one more time, I realized that he was deaf (by the cocular implant behind his ear, and the sounds he made). I then borrowed a piece of paper and a pen from someone and asked his name. He wrote out "Baracka." So, we spent all of the service writing things to eachother, mostly drawing pictures and asking what they were, or pointing to things and having me write them, or him teaching me how to sign the alphabet (he is learning English only). After the 2 hour service, we left to eat. Then, when assigned to teams, I found him and decided to help him out all day. He is so cute! He is 11 years old, and is in 4 Red (4th grade equivalent, Red is just how to separate classes within grades). I had a blast with him. It wasn't until the end of the day (which happens to be tonight) that I found out his back story. He is an orphan. In Methari, his name is Tears. He was given the chance to get the cocular implant just last august. He now goes to speech lessons every Tuesday night at Mary and Wallace's house, stays over, and Wallace drives him back out to Joska on Wednesday. I love him. For those who may think this story sounds familiar, aparently there is a missionary movie about him called "One in a Million" about how he got the cocular implant for free. I only just heard of it... all I know is, Baracka is an amazing kid who is from the slums, is an orphan, is deaf, and yet has the cutest smile when I tickle him. Playing soccer and taking pictures also makes him smile. Even writing about him now makes me want to cry. I don't know what else to say.

Kenya has been life changing, and it has only been a week. There is so much going on in all the different departments at MOHI (education, social work, micro-finance, spiritual/counselling, and Community Health Evangelism- HIV/AIDS info, health education and a clinic). It is the most amazing organization I have ever seen. I am already brainstorming things to do to continue on in the states, and a lot of that stuff I'll need you for! But, we'll figure that out later.

I think everyone should come here at some point in their life, no matter how long. I've been here a week, and I feel transformed, and I have 7 more to go. I know God is at work here, and looking at Methari Valley, all the slums, might be overwhelming at times... but talking to someone in MOHI, meeting someone in a micro-finance group who now has a job, meeting a students like Baracka... it changes the world for that person.

I didn't even touch on the AWESOME worship service we had last Sunday, but that can wait I suppose. Just know that God is alive and well in Kenya, and I would say that Methari Valley (arguably the 2nd largest slum in the world) is where God's heart beats. His spirit flows through each and every alley of Methari. His love surrounds the entire city. His arms are squeezed tight around Kenya. This place.... this place... this is what Jesus meant when He said He came to free the oppressed, to minister to the poor, to heal the sick. He was talking, I think in large part, about Methari Valley and places like it.

If Ican challenge anyone to do anything, it would be simply this: pray for these people. Think about them, even though you haven't met them personally... just know that they are here. They need us to pray for them.

God bless. Will write soon!

How I Became a Nun

I am now in Indianapolis, IN... staying at the Benedict Inn... aka monastary.

I spent today flying about. I thought I was going to miss my flight from Minneapolis to Indy, but then I felt a sense of peace about it all. Having read "An Unhurried Life" in prayer seminar, I realized that missing the flight would be completely out of my control. I could either be stressed, frustrated, anxious and rude... and be late, or calm, collected and polite... and be late. Turns out that going with the latter simply makes the entire experience more enjoyable. I felt relaxed enough to notice to elderly woman and man holding hands as they waited for their turn to get up. When they did, they went slowly, grabbing their luggage carefully. The husband did so, since his wife was too short. She carried multiple bags, and part of me wanted to offer to help, yet she had an expression of competence about her that I feared a polite gesture would be unwelcomed. Instead, I smiled. I also was able to observe a very tall, strong man watching the couple, and I noticed he too was smiling. Together, we shared in a moment that would have gone unnoticed.

I made it to my flight with minutes to spare, which I mean "spare"- not in the exaggerated, "only" sense of the word, but that I had more minutes that could have been spent walking slower, saying a more complete good-bye to Christina, the girl I met on the plane, or perhaps being more thankful to our flight attendants. This time, while in the sky, I looked down at the world beneath me, the little specks moving about (cars) and the slightly larger squares at a stand still. I felt the vastness of the world- and I wasn't even looking at an entire state! It hit me how powerful my God is, and I was amazed as I recalled how He loves each of those specs individually. It felt completely paradoxical.

I landed in Indy safetly, met my CMF group, and we were off. We drove out of the city into less crowded areas, and there we found our Inn. I quickly learned that it was were a group of 60 nuns lived, and some monks. At first, I expected black and white all over the place. Turns out this place is more progressive - nuns wear pants, and even say shit. I talked to Sister Kathy-Ann in depth, and enjoyed her story of becoming a nun (and first hand experience of a nun who says "shit").

The evening has been restful, which is why I am taking time to write. I probably won't again until the night before I fly for Kenya.

As always, God bless :)

Prepared to Pray. Three Days Until Departure

I just spent a week at a summer conference with the 5C's on Catalina Island. It was amazing!

I feel as close to God as I am. A week of trying out different kinds of prayer probably does that to a person. We did some silence and solitude (one of my favorites, can you believe it?!), fasting and intercession, healing, listening, and delighting in the LORD. We also did some more traditional styles, such as compline (which, to my surprise, I loved!). We opened the day with prayer, we ended with prayer, with lots of prayer in between.

This past week God revealed to me the need for rest, and the silence and solitude are actually spiritual disciplines, along with having an unhurried life like Jesus. The best part about all of this - my summer in Kenya will be a perfect way to start! I've already mentionned some things about our sense of "time" verse most of the other world's. I am stoked to try out these practices, to embrace the rest God has for me in Kenya (which some might think sounds counter intuitive).

I can't even begin to sum up this past week well enough, but I can fill you in on some Kenya stuffs, the theme of this blog.

Money is still coming in, praise be to God! I am home, going to buy a few things tomorrow (the necessary bug repelant, a nice skirt for church, etc.) with my mommy. I'm trying to be patient and live in the moment, to be home with my family who I know I will miss so much in Kenya!

And finally... I feel at peace with whatever God has for me, here or there. This summer and next year. You know why? ... because GOD IS GOOD! :D

How to End

The semester is almost over. Only finals stand between me and home. Oddly, I am not stressed at all. Now that, I know, has nothing to do with my awesome grades (uh...), nor my abilities to pull off amazing grades (hah, so funny...), or all the time I plan to put in studying (who am I kidding?).

I am not stressed because of God's grace. I am reminded daily of what He has in store for me. So, I can go about my day with four exams looming, and not be completely obsessed with how I spend the next few minutes of my day.

Reading Cross Cultural Connection has also taught me a lot about the "American" view of time. We stress about being early or on time to an event. We stress about how fast we can get stuff done. That isn't how the whole world works. Most peoples focus more on what you are doing than how fast it can get done. In other cultures, the relationship of the person who randomly drops by matters more than the meeting at 2 o'clock. The event going on, taking place, matters more than being "punctual." Tardiness is a largely white concept reinforced from an early age. The United States functions by bells. A bell for school. A bell for lunch. A bell to end school. A bell to start church. A bell to let workers know they can go home. So much noise that comes largely from our roots in industry, where efficiency is valued. Where times and dates become important for deadlines and deliveries.

I am looking forward to a summer of a different concept of time. I want to learn how to enjoy people more than my "inner drive to succeed." We measure success by what we get done. Other countries measure success by honor, by family, by relationships, by who we leave behind.

So, trying to take a note from my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am going to spend less time stressing about school and grades, and more time hanging out with friends who I probably won't see over summer, or next semester because they are going abroad, or even graduating. I don't think we were meant to run on stress alone, but on the love and encouragement of our friends around us... but first, we have to take the time to talk.

God bless!

4 Weeks of School... 6 Weeks to Go!

While school continues to call, I attempt to focus at all. Classes seem unimportant to what I feel God calling me. Every day I question whether I should stay in Scripps, or leave. Do. Act. Then, I remember God's promises. His promises for next semester, for me at school, and I remember that, at least for this and next semester, I am supposed to stay put.

So I continue, I try to work at all things for the Lord. Whether that means genuinely enjoying problems sets, translating sentences, or readings, or whether that means getting grades good enough to stay in school to love the people around me, I'm not sure yet.

What I know is that this semester has 4 weeks left, and I care more about the 6th week then I do my finals. Thinking about Kenya, wondering what God has for me there, gets to be such a distraction. Earlier this semester, trying to focus while being busy with fundraising, letter writing, and other preparation was tough. But at least then I had a to do list. Now, now I am half way raised (God is so awesome!!! Thank you cards are being processed, I promise!). I have read most of our pre-trip reading. I am getting vaccines. I am done with letters, and making a few phone calls. Yet, these things only shed the tiniest light on what is really going on behind the scenes.

Kenya is on my mind.

I can't shake it. I know God is going to do great things, and I grow anxious, not stressed, but excited. I think about what I might see, who I might meet, what lives I might change, and who might totally change mine. Even thinking about next semester - planning where to live, what classes to take - seems so insane. Who knows what I will care about when I return, or how I will feel. Though, that isn't entirely fair to say. I know one thing holds true - I want to see a revival on my campus. That encourages me, that, and knowing that wherever I may be a few months from now, God remains the same - on the Throne of Heaven and Earth.

So as deep and reflecty as I might get these next 6 weeks, I guess I really should just be still, knowing who My God is, and trusting that whatever comes next I am ready for because He is with me, and He goes before me.

Thanks again for reading!

Before the Plunge, Already on the Journey

Welcome dear readers! I would like to thank you kindly for you support, whether financially, spiritually, or by encouraging me in any number of ways.

I would like to use this first post to expand on my preparation process. Many of you received a letter and/or joined the facebook group I created. You got to see a small bit of my own experience as I asked you to join with me on this journey God is sending me on to Nairobi, Kenya. Well, yes, writing the letter, making the group, those were both vital steps. However, they were nothing compared to the spiritual growth God has done in me already this semester, preparing me for the trip. I hinted at this a bit in the letter, but could not go very deep. Fortunately, the world wide web has afforded me this luxury. Enjoy!

Let's begin with why I decided to go. My plan was simple - go help needy people in a developing country. As I spoke to Marco, an international student from Guatemala, I quickly realized that I would not be very helpful. I am a nineteen year old undergraduate student who is still (debatably) pre-med. How can I help anyone? Furthermore, I am all of these things in America. I know next to nothing about Kenyan culture, real life (i.e. the real life of the world, which is much larger than my suburban San Diegan lifestyle), or, quite frankly, AIDS and AIDS treatment. The bit I know I have recently acquired, but it is in no way sufficient to going and ‘helping’, ‘rescuing’ or ‘saving’ Africa. Some might think I was arrogant, naïve and ignorant to assume I would do any of these things in Kenya. You are right. I was, and in many ways, still am. Yet, by the wisdom God has spoken to me through people like Marco, I have realized that I am going to learn more than I could ever repay with my “help.” So, now I become, once again, a student, but this time with the utmost humility. A book that I have been reading called Cross-Cultural Connections (CCC) has compared entering a new culture to assuming the position of a four year old. As I do not know Swahili, I assume the position of a 2 year old in Nairobi (I learned to speak before that, but let’s assume I have full use of my legs.) Now you might see where humility plays a vital role. Still, there is little I can do to prepare, at least in comparison to what I will experience, so I must keep these things in mind.

I read a book on global poverty that broke my heart. I don’t think it would have just months ago if God had not been working on my heart, getting me to love as He loves and to hurt as He hurts. The statistics were heart wrenching, and I still have the book and might post my reflection later. The point is, I read it and it shook me up a bit. Fortunately, the week I finished reading it Mudd-Scripps Christian Fellowship happened to have a meeting on God’s heart for the world. It seemed to take all of those dark statistics, and brought hopefulness to the depths of my soul. Through different Old Testament stories, I was able to see how God has always loved the entire world. Even John 3:16, perhaps the most famous verse in the Bible, begins with “For God so loved the world…” yet I seemed to have lived the past nineteen years more or less oblivious to how much God loves! I am starting to read CCC, and it is growing my desire to learn about all other cultures, that through learning, I might see a more clear and beautiful picture of God (God of diversity when you consider the Holy Trinity).

Finally, fundraising. As I said earlier, you all saw the letter or some form of it, or I talked to you… what you might not have seen is how amazing this part has been! Through support raising, I have gotten to have so many cool conversations – whether they were spiritual, catching up, or just touching base, they were wonderful and a blessing to me. I told a few people that even if I were for some reason unable to go, these conversations alone have inspired me and blessed me. Something God told me at the very beginning of my journey was “you will be surprised by who will give, so Brianna… stop judging and let me work!” He convicts me of that every day, whether it is a phone call from a high school counselor, or a friend who graduated, or distant relatives, or a non-Christian professor. Talking and reconnecting to each of you had been an experience, and I am so thankful for that aspect of this mission trip process! And that is why I say that I am already on the journey, even if I have a few months until the plunge.

There is so much that could be said about the past half of the semester, but I am trying to stay at least somewhat focused in these posts. Thank you again for taking the time to read it.