How I Became a Nun

I am now in Indianapolis, IN... staying at the Benedict Inn... aka monastary.

I spent today flying about. I thought I was going to miss my flight from Minneapolis to Indy, but then I felt a sense of peace about it all. Having read "An Unhurried Life" in prayer seminar, I realized that missing the flight would be completely out of my control. I could either be stressed, frustrated, anxious and rude... and be late, or calm, collected and polite... and be late. Turns out that going with the latter simply makes the entire experience more enjoyable. I felt relaxed enough to notice to elderly woman and man holding hands as they waited for their turn to get up. When they did, they went slowly, grabbing their luggage carefully. The husband did so, since his wife was too short. She carried multiple bags, and part of me wanted to offer to help, yet she had an expression of competence about her that I feared a polite gesture would be unwelcomed. Instead, I smiled. I also was able to observe a very tall, strong man watching the couple, and I noticed he too was smiling. Together, we shared in a moment that would have gone unnoticed.

I made it to my flight with minutes to spare, which I mean "spare"- not in the exaggerated, "only" sense of the word, but that I had more minutes that could have been spent walking slower, saying a more complete good-bye to Christina, the girl I met on the plane, or perhaps being more thankful to our flight attendants. This time, while in the sky, I looked down at the world beneath me, the little specks moving about (cars) and the slightly larger squares at a stand still. I felt the vastness of the world- and I wasn't even looking at an entire state! It hit me how powerful my God is, and I was amazed as I recalled how He loves each of those specs individually. It felt completely paradoxical.

I landed in Indy safetly, met my CMF group, and we were off. We drove out of the city into less crowded areas, and there we found our Inn. I quickly learned that it was were a group of 60 nuns lived, and some monks. At first, I expected black and white all over the place. Turns out this place is more progressive - nuns wear pants, and even say shit. I talked to Sister Kathy-Ann in depth, and enjoyed her story of becoming a nun (and first hand experience of a nun who says "shit").

The evening has been restful, which is why I am taking time to write. I probably won't again until the night before I fly for Kenya.

As always, God bless :)

Prepared to Pray. Three Days Until Departure

I just spent a week at a summer conference with the 5C's on Catalina Island. It was amazing!

I feel as close to God as I am. A week of trying out different kinds of prayer probably does that to a person. We did some silence and solitude (one of my favorites, can you believe it?!), fasting and intercession, healing, listening, and delighting in the LORD. We also did some more traditional styles, such as compline (which, to my surprise, I loved!). We opened the day with prayer, we ended with prayer, with lots of prayer in between.

This past week God revealed to me the need for rest, and the silence and solitude are actually spiritual disciplines, along with having an unhurried life like Jesus. The best part about all of this - my summer in Kenya will be a perfect way to start! I've already mentionned some things about our sense of "time" verse most of the other world's. I am stoked to try out these practices, to embrace the rest God has for me in Kenya (which some might think sounds counter intuitive).

I can't even begin to sum up this past week well enough, but I can fill you in on some Kenya stuffs, the theme of this blog.

Money is still coming in, praise be to God! I am home, going to buy a few things tomorrow (the necessary bug repelant, a nice skirt for church, etc.) with my mommy. I'm trying to be patient and live in the moment, to be home with my family who I know I will miss so much in Kenya!

And finally... I feel at peace with whatever God has for me, here or there. This summer and next year. You know why? ... because GOD IS GOOD! :D

How to End

The semester is almost over. Only finals stand between me and home. Oddly, I am not stressed at all. Now that, I know, has nothing to do with my awesome grades (uh...), nor my abilities to pull off amazing grades (hah, so funny...), or all the time I plan to put in studying (who am I kidding?).

I am not stressed because of God's grace. I am reminded daily of what He has in store for me. So, I can go about my day with four exams looming, and not be completely obsessed with how I spend the next few minutes of my day.

Reading Cross Cultural Connection has also taught me a lot about the "American" view of time. We stress about being early or on time to an event. We stress about how fast we can get stuff done. That isn't how the whole world works. Most peoples focus more on what you are doing than how fast it can get done. In other cultures, the relationship of the person who randomly drops by matters more than the meeting at 2 o'clock. The event going on, taking place, matters more than being "punctual." Tardiness is a largely white concept reinforced from an early age. The United States functions by bells. A bell for school. A bell for lunch. A bell to end school. A bell to start church. A bell to let workers know they can go home. So much noise that comes largely from our roots in industry, where efficiency is valued. Where times and dates become important for deadlines and deliveries.

I am looking forward to a summer of a different concept of time. I want to learn how to enjoy people more than my "inner drive to succeed." We measure success by what we get done. Other countries measure success by honor, by family, by relationships, by who we leave behind.

So, trying to take a note from my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am going to spend less time stressing about school and grades, and more time hanging out with friends who I probably won't see over summer, or next semester because they are going abroad, or even graduating. I don't think we were meant to run on stress alone, but on the love and encouragement of our friends around us... but first, we have to take the time to talk.

God bless!

4 Weeks of School... 6 Weeks to Go!

While school continues to call, I attempt to focus at all. Classes seem unimportant to what I feel God calling me. Every day I question whether I should stay in Scripps, or leave. Do. Act. Then, I remember God's promises. His promises for next semester, for me at school, and I remember that, at least for this and next semester, I am supposed to stay put.

So I continue, I try to work at all things for the Lord. Whether that means genuinely enjoying problems sets, translating sentences, or readings, or whether that means getting grades good enough to stay in school to love the people around me, I'm not sure yet.

What I know is that this semester has 4 weeks left, and I care more about the 6th week then I do my finals. Thinking about Kenya, wondering what God has for me there, gets to be such a distraction. Earlier this semester, trying to focus while being busy with fundraising, letter writing, and other preparation was tough. But at least then I had a to do list. Now, now I am half way raised (God is so awesome!!! Thank you cards are being processed, I promise!). I have read most of our pre-trip reading. I am getting vaccines. I am done with letters, and making a few phone calls. Yet, these things only shed the tiniest light on what is really going on behind the scenes.

Kenya is on my mind.

I can't shake it. I know God is going to do great things, and I grow anxious, not stressed, but excited. I think about what I might see, who I might meet, what lives I might change, and who might totally change mine. Even thinking about next semester - planning where to live, what classes to take - seems so insane. Who knows what I will care about when I return, or how I will feel. Though, that isn't entirely fair to say. I know one thing holds true - I want to see a revival on my campus. That encourages me, that, and knowing that wherever I may be a few months from now, God remains the same - on the Throne of Heaven and Earth.

So as deep and reflecty as I might get these next 6 weeks, I guess I really should just be still, knowing who My God is, and trusting that whatever comes next I am ready for because He is with me, and He goes before me.

Thanks again for reading!

Before the Plunge, Already on the Journey

Welcome dear readers! I would like to thank you kindly for you support, whether financially, spiritually, or by encouraging me in any number of ways.

I would like to use this first post to expand on my preparation process. Many of you received a letter and/or joined the facebook group I created. You got to see a small bit of my own experience as I asked you to join with me on this journey God is sending me on to Nairobi, Kenya. Well, yes, writing the letter, making the group, those were both vital steps. However, they were nothing compared to the spiritual growth God has done in me already this semester, preparing me for the trip. I hinted at this a bit in the letter, but could not go very deep. Fortunately, the world wide web has afforded me this luxury. Enjoy!

Let's begin with why I decided to go. My plan was simple - go help needy people in a developing country. As I spoke to Marco, an international student from Guatemala, I quickly realized that I would not be very helpful. I am a nineteen year old undergraduate student who is still (debatably) pre-med. How can I help anyone? Furthermore, I am all of these things in America. I know next to nothing about Kenyan culture, real life (i.e. the real life of the world, which is much larger than my suburban San Diegan lifestyle), or, quite frankly, AIDS and AIDS treatment. The bit I know I have recently acquired, but it is in no way sufficient to going and ‘helping’, ‘rescuing’ or ‘saving’ Africa. Some might think I was arrogant, naïve and ignorant to assume I would do any of these things in Kenya. You are right. I was, and in many ways, still am. Yet, by the wisdom God has spoken to me through people like Marco, I have realized that I am going to learn more than I could ever repay with my “help.” So, now I become, once again, a student, but this time with the utmost humility. A book that I have been reading called Cross-Cultural Connections (CCC) has compared entering a new culture to assuming the position of a four year old. As I do not know Swahili, I assume the position of a 2 year old in Nairobi (I learned to speak before that, but let’s assume I have full use of my legs.) Now you might see where humility plays a vital role. Still, there is little I can do to prepare, at least in comparison to what I will experience, so I must keep these things in mind.

I read a book on global poverty that broke my heart. I don’t think it would have just months ago if God had not been working on my heart, getting me to love as He loves and to hurt as He hurts. The statistics were heart wrenching, and I still have the book and might post my reflection later. The point is, I read it and it shook me up a bit. Fortunately, the week I finished reading it Mudd-Scripps Christian Fellowship happened to have a meeting on God’s heart for the world. It seemed to take all of those dark statistics, and brought hopefulness to the depths of my soul. Through different Old Testament stories, I was able to see how God has always loved the entire world. Even John 3:16, perhaps the most famous verse in the Bible, begins with “For God so loved the world…” yet I seemed to have lived the past nineteen years more or less oblivious to how much God loves! I am starting to read CCC, and it is growing my desire to learn about all other cultures, that through learning, I might see a more clear and beautiful picture of God (God of diversity when you consider the Holy Trinity).

Finally, fundraising. As I said earlier, you all saw the letter or some form of it, or I talked to you… what you might not have seen is how amazing this part has been! Through support raising, I have gotten to have so many cool conversations – whether they were spiritual, catching up, or just touching base, they were wonderful and a blessing to me. I told a few people that even if I were for some reason unable to go, these conversations alone have inspired me and blessed me. Something God told me at the very beginning of my journey was “you will be surprised by who will give, so Brianna… stop judging and let me work!” He convicts me of that every day, whether it is a phone call from a high school counselor, or a friend who graduated, or distant relatives, or a non-Christian professor. Talking and reconnecting to each of you had been an experience, and I am so thankful for that aspect of this mission trip process! And that is why I say that I am already on the journey, even if I have a few months until the plunge.

There is so much that could be said about the past half of the semester, but I am trying to stay at least somewhat focused in these posts. Thank you again for taking the time to read it.