While school continues to call, I attempt to focus at all. Classes seem unimportant to what I feel God calling me. Every day I question whether I should stay in Scripps, or leave. Do. Act. Then, I remember God's promises. His promises for next semester, for me at school, and I remember that, at least for this and next semester, I am supposed to stay put.
So I continue, I try to work at all things for the Lord. Whether that means genuinely enjoying problems sets, translating sentences, or readings, or whether that means getting grades good enough to stay in school to love the people around me, I'm not sure yet.
What I know is that this semester has 4 weeks left, and I care more about the 6th week then I do my finals. Thinking about Kenya, wondering what God has for me there, gets to be such a distraction. Earlier this semester, trying to focus while being busy with fundraising, letter writing, and other preparation was tough. But at least then I had a to do list. Now, now I am half way raised (God is so awesome!!! Thank you cards are being processed, I promise!). I have read most of our pre-trip reading. I am getting vaccines. I am done with letters, and making a few phone calls. Yet, these things only shed the tiniest light on what is really going on behind the scenes.
Kenya is on my mind.
I can't shake it. I know God is going to do great things, and I grow anxious, not stressed, but excited. I think about what I might see, who I might meet, what lives I might change, and who might totally change mine. Even thinking about next semester - planning where to live, what classes to take - seems so insane. Who knows what I will care about when I return, or how I will feel. Though, that isn't entirely fair to say. I know one thing holds true - I want to see a revival on my campus. That encourages me, that, and knowing that wherever I may be a few months from now, God remains the same - on the Throne of Heaven and Earth.
So as deep and reflecty as I might get these next 6 weeks, I guess I really should just be still, knowing who My God is, and trusting that whatever comes next I am ready for because He is with me, and He goes before me.
Thanks again for reading!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Before the Plunge, Already on the Journey
Welcome dear readers! I would like to thank you kindly for you support, whether financially, spiritually, or by encouraging me in any number of ways.
I would like to use this first post to expand on my preparation process. Many of you received a letter and/or joined the facebook group I created. You got to see a small bit of my own experience as I asked you to join with me on this journey God is sending me on to Nairobi, Kenya. Well, yes, writing the letter, making the group, those were both vital steps. However, they were nothing compared to the spiritual growth God has done in me already this semester, preparing me for the trip. I hinted at this a bit in the letter, but could not go very deep. Fortunately, the world wide web has afforded me this luxury. Enjoy!
Let's begin with why I decided to go. My plan was simple - go help needy people in a developing country. As I spoke to Marco, an international student from Guatemala, I quickly realized that I would not be very helpful. I am a nineteen year old undergraduate student who is still (debatably) pre-med. How can I help anyone? Furthermore, I am all of these things in America. I know next to nothing about Kenyan culture, real life (i.e. the real life of the world, which is much larger than my suburban San Diegan lifestyle), or, quite frankly, AIDS and AIDS treatment. The bit I know I have recently acquired, but it is in no way sufficient to going and ‘helping’, ‘rescuing’ or ‘saving’ Africa. Some might think I was arrogant, naïve and ignorant to assume I would do any of these things in Kenya. You are right. I was, and in many ways, still am. Yet, by the wisdom God has spoken to me through people like Marco, I have realized that I am going to learn more than I could ever repay with my “help.” So, now I become, once again, a student, but this time with the utmost humility. A book that I have been reading called Cross-Cultural Connections (CCC) has compared entering a new culture to assuming the position of a four year old. As I do not know Swahili, I assume the position of a 2 year old in Nairobi (I learned to speak before that, but let’s assume I have full use of my legs.) Now you might see where humility plays a vital role. Still, there is little I can do to prepare, at least in comparison to what I will experience, so I must keep these things in mind.
I read a book on global poverty that broke my heart. I don’t think it would have just months ago if God had not been working on my heart, getting me to love as He loves and to hurt as He hurts. The statistics were heart wrenching, and I still have the book and might post my reflection later. The point is, I read it and it shook me up a bit. Fortunately, the week I finished reading it Mudd-Scripps Christian Fellowship happened to have a meeting on God’s heart for the world. It seemed to take all of those dark statistics, and brought hopefulness to the depths of my soul. Through different Old Testament stories, I was able to see how God has always loved the entire world. Even John 3:16, perhaps the most famous verse in the Bible, begins with “For God so loved the world…” yet I seemed to have lived the past nineteen years more or less oblivious to how much God loves! I am starting to read CCC, and it is growing my desire to learn about all other cultures, that through learning, I might see a more clear and beautiful picture of God (God of diversity when you consider the Holy Trinity).
Finally, fundraising. As I said earlier, you all saw the letter or some form of it, or I talked to you… what you might not have seen is how amazing this part has been! Through support raising, I have gotten to have so many cool conversations – whether they were spiritual, catching up, or just touching base, they were wonderful and a blessing to me. I told a few people that even if I were for some reason unable to go, these conversations alone have inspired me and blessed me. Something God told me at the very beginning of my journey was “you will be surprised by who will give, so Brianna… stop judging and let me work!” He convicts me of that every day, whether it is a phone call from a high school counselor, or a friend who graduated, or distant relatives, or a non-Christian professor. Talking and reconnecting to each of you had been an experience, and I am so thankful for that aspect of this mission trip process! And that is why I say that I am already on the journey, even if I have a few months until the plunge.
There is so much that could be said about the past half of the semester, but I am trying to stay at least somewhat focused in these posts. Thank you again for taking the time to read it.
I would like to use this first post to expand on my preparation process. Many of you received a letter and/or joined the facebook group I created. You got to see a small bit of my own experience as I asked you to join with me on this journey God is sending me on to Nairobi, Kenya. Well, yes, writing the letter, making the group, those were both vital steps. However, they were nothing compared to the spiritual growth God has done in me already this semester, preparing me for the trip. I hinted at this a bit in the letter, but could not go very deep. Fortunately, the world wide web has afforded me this luxury. Enjoy!
Let's begin with why I decided to go. My plan was simple - go help needy people in a developing country. As I spoke to Marco, an international student from Guatemala, I quickly realized that I would not be very helpful. I am a nineteen year old undergraduate student who is still (debatably) pre-med. How can I help anyone? Furthermore, I am all of these things in America. I know next to nothing about Kenyan culture, real life (i.e. the real life of the world, which is much larger than my suburban San Diegan lifestyle), or, quite frankly, AIDS and AIDS treatment. The bit I know I have recently acquired, but it is in no way sufficient to going and ‘helping’, ‘rescuing’ or ‘saving’ Africa. Some might think I was arrogant, naïve and ignorant to assume I would do any of these things in Kenya. You are right. I was, and in many ways, still am. Yet, by the wisdom God has spoken to me through people like Marco, I have realized that I am going to learn more than I could ever repay with my “help.” So, now I become, once again, a student, but this time with the utmost humility. A book that I have been reading called Cross-Cultural Connections (CCC) has compared entering a new culture to assuming the position of a four year old. As I do not know Swahili, I assume the position of a 2 year old in Nairobi (I learned to speak before that, but let’s assume I have full use of my legs.) Now you might see where humility plays a vital role. Still, there is little I can do to prepare, at least in comparison to what I will experience, so I must keep these things in mind.
I read a book on global poverty that broke my heart. I don’t think it would have just months ago if God had not been working on my heart, getting me to love as He loves and to hurt as He hurts. The statistics were heart wrenching, and I still have the book and might post my reflection later. The point is, I read it and it shook me up a bit. Fortunately, the week I finished reading it Mudd-Scripps Christian Fellowship happened to have a meeting on God’s heart for the world. It seemed to take all of those dark statistics, and brought hopefulness to the depths of my soul. Through different Old Testament stories, I was able to see how God has always loved the entire world. Even John 3:16, perhaps the most famous verse in the Bible, begins with “For God so loved the world…” yet I seemed to have lived the past nineteen years more or less oblivious to how much God loves! I am starting to read CCC, and it is growing my desire to learn about all other cultures, that through learning, I might see a more clear and beautiful picture of God (God of diversity when you consider the Holy Trinity).
Finally, fundraising. As I said earlier, you all saw the letter or some form of it, or I talked to you… what you might not have seen is how amazing this part has been! Through support raising, I have gotten to have so many cool conversations – whether they were spiritual, catching up, or just touching base, they were wonderful and a blessing to me. I told a few people that even if I were for some reason unable to go, these conversations alone have inspired me and blessed me. Something God told me at the very beginning of my journey was “you will be surprised by who will give, so Brianna… stop judging and let me work!” He convicts me of that every day, whether it is a phone call from a high school counselor, or a friend who graduated, or distant relatives, or a non-Christian professor. Talking and reconnecting to each of you had been an experience, and I am so thankful for that aspect of this mission trip process! And that is why I say that I am already on the journey, even if I have a few months until the plunge.
There is so much that could be said about the past half of the semester, but I am trying to stay at least somewhat focused in these posts. Thank you again for taking the time to read it.
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